It has been a year

30 October 2011 - It has been a year since I had my 1st flight, 1st time to go to the overseas, 1st time I feel I am leaving my most precious gifts in Malaysia.

OMG... how should I proceed with this writing when my eyes are filled with tears. During that last day in Malaysia, I was excited + happy. Siapa yang tak happy to get the opportunity to study and live in the overseas + it's during winter season.
But...
I forgot that...

• I was travelling ALONE - 1st experience + LONE RANGER!
• I am the 'GPS' in my family (yes.. they were sesat masa OTW balik)

During this time, I keep on thinking about negative thing which I don't want to list it out here. I will totally put the blame on me if something happen to them. After a few minutes, I keep myself calm. I pray for their safety and I hope Allah will protect them and keep them safe. I said to myself, how bad my feeling worrying about them, they feel more worry about me. Again I repeat... I was travelling alone!

Guess what, I was smiling while taking this picture. Masa ni pk seronok + excited je.

A couple of minutes later...

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I would like to make a confession, I cried non-stop since my final huggy wuggy time with my family. (It was the 1st time I felt the 'real' hugs from emak, ayah, and my brother... WHY it does happen masa nak fly? :/)

I passes the immigration, customs gate with huge cries! Masa lepas the 1st gate, on my way to aerotrain, I feel like to lari back and tak nak fly. Things that stop me from doing it are; my parents have PAID for the flight ticket, I have to WORK there, FRANCE GOVERNMENT has arranged everything for me, I am carrying the RESPONSIBILITY from my supervisor, mine and my family's DIGNITY, I want to keep myself AWAY from peoples that hurt me a lot here. This is one of the thing that I am able to do - study in France!

Dah la kene 2-3 times kena lalu gate, scan, tanggal beg, bukak beg laptop. I still remember ada sorang pegawai perempuan tu senyum je when she saw me crying. I stopped nanges masa jalan masuk dalam flight. Cari tempat.

Then dah pakai seat belt semua, I read buku doa yg emak bekal kan. During in the airport, she sempat mark some of the pages yang penting untuk dibaca. I have started to cry again while reading that book. Masa tu... I was looking outside of the mirror n rasa nak terjun je. Maybe this is one of the reason tingkap kapal terbang is sealed!

Whatever it is, that was such a great memory I have ever had. It makes me appreciate and love my family more!

"You will never appreciate what you have until you lose it!" - Eat that words Shakirah! Thank Allah these 'gifts' are taken away within just for 2 months. I believe everything is happening for a reason.

Until now, I feel phobia when my parents are sending me to the airport. Walaupun hanya pergi ke KL, the feeling tu rasa macam nak fly jauh je.

Dear Emak, ayah, and Bae, I LOVE 3 of you so much!

Sekian daripada saya, Nur Shakirah yang mata sudah bengkak-bengkak menanges sambil menulis post kali ni. This is one of the most honest post I have ever written.

Good night!