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Tuesday, November 01, 2011

It has been a year

30 October 2011 - It has been a year since I had my 1st flight, 1st time to go to the overseas, 1st time I feel I am leaving my most precious gifts in Malaysia.

OMG... how should I proceed with this writing when my eyes are filled with tears. During that last day in Malaysia, I was excited + happy. Siapa yang tak happy to get the opportunity to study and live in the overseas + it's during winter season.
But...
I forgot that...
  • I was travelling ALONE - 1st experience + LONE RANGER!
  • I am the 'GPS' in my family (yes.. they were sesat masa OTW balik)
During this time, I keep on thinking about negative thing which I don't want to list it out here. I will totally put the blame on me if something happen to them. After a few minutes, I keep myself calm. I pray for their safety and I hope Allah will protect them and keep them safe. I said to myself, how bad my feeling worrying about them, they feel more worry about me. Again I repeat... I was travelling alone!


Guess what, I was smiling while taking this picture. Masa ni pk seronok + excited je.

A couple of minutes later...
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I would like to make a confession, I cried non-stop since my final huggy wuggy time with my family. (It was the 1st time I felt the 'real' hugs from emak, ayah, and my brother... WHY it does happen masa nak fly? :/)

I passes the immigration, customs gate with huge cries! Masa lepas the 1st gate, on my way to aerotrain, I feel like to lari back and tak nak fly. Things that stop me from doing it are; my parents have PAID for the flight ticket, I have to WORK there, FRANCE GOVERNMENT has arranged everything for me, I am carrying the RESPONSIBILITY from my supervisor, mine and my family's DIGNITY, I want to keep myself AWAY from peoples that hurt me a lot here. This is one of the thing that I am able to do - study in France!

Dah la kene 2-3 times kena lalu gate, scan, tanggal beg, bukak beg laptop. I still remember ada sorang pegawai perempuan tu senyum je when she saw me crying. I stopped nanges masa jalan masuk dalam flight. Cari tempat.


Then dah pakai seat belt semua, I read buku doa yg emak bekal kan. During in the airport, she sempat mark some of the pages yang penting untuk dibaca. I have started to cry again while reading that book. Masa tu... I was looking outside of the mirror n rasa nak terjun je. Maybe this is one of the reason tingkap kapal terbang is sealed!


Whatever it is, that was such a great memory I have ever had. It makes me appreciate and love my family more!

"You will never appreciate what you have until you lose it!" - Eat that words Shakirah! Thank Allah these 'gifts' are taken away within just for 2 months. I believe everything is happening for a reason.

Until now, I feel phobia when my parents are sending me to the airport. Walaupun hanya pergi ke KL, the feeling tu rasa macam nak fly jauh je.

Dear Emak, ayah, and Bae, I LOVE 3 of you so much!

Sekian daripada saya, Nur Shakirah yang mata sudah bengkak-bengkak menanges sambil menulis post kali ni. This is one of the most honest post I have ever written.

Good night!

1 comment:

  1. ... you make me cry too lorrr while reading this post (tahan napas... tahan napas) .. (T.T) but glad you came back home safely with a lot of valueble experience! ;)

    Of course we are worried about you ... you are our only sister that we have ... hehehe

    and the incident sesat otw balik is due to our eyes cover with tears, keep risau and we dont remember that we have garmin ... hahahaa :P

    And later I check my gmail ... you should see mom and dad when i said there is an email from you and they are so happy to see the white and a bit blue color screen with a plain black text on it ;)

    who said plain text cant bring a joy? ;)

    We all love you too..!

    ... i'm still keeping that email ;)

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