It has been a year

30 October 2011 - It has been a year since I had my 1st flight, 1st time to go to the overseas, 1st time I feel I am leaving my most precious gifts in Malaysia.

OMG... how should I proceed with this writing when my eyes are filled with tears. During that last day in Malaysia, I was excited + happy. Siapa yang tak happy to get the opportunity to study and live in the overseas + it's during winter season.
But...
I forgot that...

• I was travelling ALONE - 1st experience + LONE RANGER!
• I am the 'GPS' in my family (yes.. they were sesat masa OTW balik)

During this time, I keep on thinking about negative thing which I don't want to list it out here. I will totally put the blame on me if something happen to them. After a few minutes, I keep myself calm. I pray for their safety and I hope Allah will protect them and keep them safe. I said to myself, how bad my feeling worrying about them, they feel more worry about me. Again I repeat... I was travelling alone!

Guess what, I was smiling while taking this picture. Masa ni pk seronok + excited je.

A couple of minutes later...

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

I would like to make a confession, I cried non-stop since my final huggy wuggy time with my family. (It was the 1st time I felt the 'real' hugs from emak, ayah, and my brother... WHY it does happen masa nak fly? :/)

I passes the immigration, customs gate with huge cries! Masa lepas the 1st gate, on my way to aerotrain, I feel like to lari back and tak nak fly. Things that stop me from doing it are; my parents have PAID for the flight ticket, I have to WORK there, FRANCE GOVERNMENT has arranged everything for me, I am carrying the RESPONSIBILITY from my supervisor, mine and my family's DIGNITY, I want to keep myself AWAY from peoples that hurt me a lot here. This is one of the thing that I am able to do - study in France!

Dah la kene 2-3 times kena lalu gate, scan, tanggal beg, bukak beg laptop. I still remember ada sorang pegawai perempuan tu senyum je when she saw me crying. I stopped nanges masa jalan masuk dalam flight. Cari tempat.

Then dah pakai seat belt semua, I read buku doa yg emak bekal kan. During in the airport, she sempat mark some of the pages yang penting untuk dibaca. I have started to cry again while reading that book. Masa tu... I was looking outside of the mirror n rasa nak terjun je. Maybe this is one of the reason tingkap kapal terbang is sealed!

Whatever it is, that was such a great memory I have ever had. It makes me appreciate and love my family more!

"You will never appreciate what you have until you lose it!" - Eat that words Shakirah! Thank Allah these 'gifts' are taken away within just for 2 months. I believe everything is happening for a reason.

Until now, I feel phobia when my parents are sending me to the airport. Walaupun hanya pergi ke KL, the feeling tu rasa macam nak fly jauh je.

Dear Emak, ayah, and Bae, I LOVE 3 of you so much!

Sekian daripada saya, Nur Shakirah yang mata sudah bengkak-bengkak menanges sambil menulis post kali ni. This is one of the most honest post I have ever written.

Good night!

Merci Beaucoup

… My supervisor, Abdul Rahim Ahmad for giving the opportunity to come to France
… French Embassy in Malaysia for arranging the allowance and procedure to come to France
… My mother, father, and brother for supporting my flight ticket, preparation to come to France
… Egide, for giving the monthly allowance, driver to fetch me from the airport, sponsored for my hotel and TGV ticket
… Kedutaan Malaysia di France, who keep their eyes on me
… Zakaria and family for allow me to stay with you and bring me to visits some places through out the whole 2 months
… Safuan, final year student of Ecole Polytech who taking care of me during my time in Ecole
… Christian Viard-Gaudin and Harold for assisting me regarding handwriting
… other friends, Emily and fiancée, Soufean, Lee and other lab mates, Amina, Xiao Xi, Asiah, Montasser and wife and his daughter, and other IVC member of Ecole Polytech, Nantes
… My co-supervisor, Azizah Suliman who always makes me feel better when I feel bad regarding my works and capability
… Nurliyana Zulkarnain, who’s listening for my babbling, accompany me during afternoon
… Karimah Umar, who keep her eyes on my car di hostel
… My KZ friend, Akzer, My ex-student, and UNITEN friends, who spend their time to comment on my wall post and picture
… Everyone who pray for my safety

For new people that I meet when in France, it was a great pleasure for having a chance to know all of you. Keep in touch.

I am proud to be Malaysian

chewwah... patriotik sket. Bila pergi ke negara org kan.. kita akan rasa betapa untungnya jadi Malaysian and tinggal di Malaysia.

okay.. sebelom korang baca ayat2 seterusnya let me give u an overview about it okay. it is more on pro-kerajaan. so sesape yg anti-kerajaan sila jangan baca kalu xmau hati korg sakit or menambahkan dosa menyumpah2 org. tapi kalau nak baca jugak suka hati korg la kan. mungkin boleh ubah persepsi korg.

Ok. kenapa aku rasa bertuah jadi Malaysian? Sebab...

1. kat Malaysia Masjid byk... surau byk... even kat shopping mall pon ada surau. Senang nak solat. Sape yang tak nak solat tu dosa tanggung sendiri la kan.
2. Kerajaan Malaysia menjalankan hubungan baik dgn kerajaan luar. byk kelonggaran utk Malaysian n xyah melalui prosedur yg xmasuk dek akal.
3. Nak makan senang sebab banyak yg halal tp still kena beware jugak la kan. bukan boleh taram semua mknan.
4. Toilet ada paip. senang nak basuh *. tapi byk Malaysian yg xpandai jaga kebersihan toilet. abes basah lantai or xpandai press flush button.
5. Ada nasi campur n mknan berkuah. perghhhhh... mmg terbaek!
6. Ada hway dan kemudahan lingkaran jalan raya yang bagus
7. ada cuti utk hari raya
8. muslim kat overseas sukarela jaga kebersihan surau. kenapa susah nk jmpe masjid/surau yg bersih di malaysia?
9. point2 yg seterusnya akan diupdate lg nanti. ttbe xde idea lak.

ok... ini political sket. Apa yang aku xfaham  adalah kenapa sesetengah tersangat benci kerajaan malaysia? kenapa tak suka sangat dengan Tun M? Apa yang kita kecapi hari ini, lebuhraya, bangunan mega, projek mega, kemudahan awam, LRT, hubungan baik dengan dunia luar n etc... ia xdatang dengan bergolek dan sudah pastinya ia terjadi dengan izin Allah TETAPI dengan kita berusaha ke arah itu. Dengan kerjasama rakyat dan pemimpin, kita boleh maju. Tak perlulah terlalu taksub konon nya sesuatu parti itu akan membela naseb rakyat sebab walau parti apa pon... skrg ni semuanya d***. alamak termelencong lak sket. ok2 apa yg aku nk sebutkan kat sini adalah bersyukurlah dengan apa yg kita dapat sebab kat luar sana.. tak semestinya muslim kat luar sana dpt hidup mcm kita kat Malaysia. and.. apa salahnya mengakui kebenaran n jasa Tun M terhadap kita dan of coz Alhamdulilah krn Allah izinkan tindakan itu utk ke arah kebaikan.

TETAPI mesti la da jugak sikit yg xbagusnye atau pon yg kurang kan dengan parti skrg..manusia. tp tu boleh di improve kan dan diambik ikhtibar dr negara2 lain.

Okay lah. saya disini mengaku bhw ilmu saya tidak lah setinggi mana, pengetahuan jugak tidak seperti Ilmuan Islam, pengetahuan politik jugak hanya di atas surface shj. Tapi, rendahkan lah ego utk menghargai jasa sesorg dan menghargai sesorg.

P.s: terlepas nak pegi Tun Mahathir LEcture series december ni kat DSS UNITEN.

alhamdulillah

Syukur ke hadrat Illahi kerana memberi peluang kepada salah seorang hamba Beliau untuk merasai hidup merantau di negara orang walaupun tempoh yang diberikan hanya sekejap.
Mencabar? YA / OUI. Untuk menempuhi 'ombak' tu memang mencabar. Tapi selepas kita bertemu semula dengan aliran yang tenang, kita akan recall back saat2 critical tu and kita akan tersenyum kerana kita masih boleh berdiri dan bernyawa setelah apa yg kita dah redah. Tapi dalam suasana yang tenang tu, persediaan utk mengharungi ombak yg seterusnya sngtlah perlu sebab kita xtahu apa yg akan muncul di hadapan kita. Kuat, berusaha, berdoa, bertawakal. InshaAllah kita akan berjaya harungi semua 'ombak' tu. Walau saat ketika diri berasa sangatlah lemah, rapuh, menahan sebak dan sakit hingga menitis air mata, nangislah. Air mata yang selama ini di tahan bukan petanda lemah tetapi satu takat utk menguatkan diri menghadapi 'ombak' yg lebih besar.

:)

Trying to be a better person

I am improving myself to be a better person.
I am trying to be more clever than now.
I am trying to be more knowledgeable than what I have.
I want my mind to think faster; What, Why, When, Who, How.
I have to admit sometimes I am quite naive, blur, slow thinker. I want to improve all of that. I want to improve all of my weaknesses. Not with intention to be the most powerful person, but to be a better person, a person with full of knowledge... Not just a person who people see me as somebody but actually I am nobody. I want to be a somebody with full of knowledge.

I hope I will be that kind of person soon. =)

I am now

Tired || Exhausted

Very very very

Work Work Work

I need some rest tonight before continue doing my works tomorrow. Hopefully what I have planned will went well. Amin.